The Path of Love and Surrender
By Trevor Stewart
Music has been the passion of my life since I was about nine. I remember taking piano lessons. I would go home afterword only to find myself not rehearsing the lesson, but sitting at the piano, holding down all of the foot pedals and string a big C chord as loud as I could. I would listen to that chord as long as I could until it faded into silence. The sound seemed to transport me to another world. It wasn't until much later I discovered there was a reason for that.
When I was about twenty, I started reading books that talked about how people in India believed that God created everything with sound- Nada Brahma. That made sense to me as I remembered those big piano chords. Now, we have scientists supporting String Theory which is the idea that all matter is made from tiny, violin-like strings that are constantly vibrating.
I started creating my own music around this time. That transporting element of music became a spiritual practice. I found that when I could surrender my mind the music would start to flow through me without even thinking about it. The simpler I played, the more it would flow. I felt like it wasn't me, but something flowing through me. It was a deep feeling of love and closeness to God.
I love creating music, but I also want to share that feeling of love and wholeness I have while I am performing it. Though it is my passion, I started to find that my attachment to it was clouding my life. What was a blessing I made into a curse on some level. If music was the highest path to spiritual enlightenment, wouldn't musicians be the wisest and happiest people on the planet? I found that wasn't necessarily so.
So, if music itself is not the highest path, then what is? I turned to the opposite of music- silence. What or who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? These are the questions I have that silence could reveal. What is right with music we can keep- love, simplicity, intuition. I found clarity and peace surrendering music (and all else) in those times of silence. I never have to give up music knowing that it can serve something that is beyond my own desire.
Surrender is a simple path to love. Love is a destination that is already within us.